Oh it's a joyous day any day they decide to release a KEVIN SMITH DVD, especially when it is the follow up to said directors original jaunt into film CLERKS.  Of course the film (and DVD) in which I profess is none other than this past summers CLERKS II.  Now as anyone who has read anything I post on loudside.com, be it news or reviews (which should make about three of you), you know good and well I am a fan of KEVIN SMITH and SCOTT MOSIER and their little (does two stores and a multi-million dollar line of films, toys, comics etc. still count as little?) production company VIEW ASKEW.  Whether it is their critically bashed film JERSEY GIRL or their heralded CHASING AMY, there is pretty much nothing they can do to lose my loyal support and obsession.  This being the case at my first opportunity I ran to my local BEST BUY store to pick up a copy of the newly released CLERKS II on DVD.  Much to my surprise (and my wallets chagrin), BEST BUY saw me coming a mile away and had a CLERKS II FAG-FAN PACK (FAG-FAN PAK is not a trademarked name and is not endorsed by any of the proprietors of said FAG-FAN PACK) all waiting for me!!!

Oh yes, this isn't just a DVD it's a FAG-FAN PACK, complete with MOOBY'S visor, a MOOBY'S "funployee" name tag and a MOOBY'S cup with a lid and a straw all with the DVD packed in a MOOBY'S meal box, making it easily the greatest FAG-FAN PACK EVER!!!!!!

OK, pants changed and all, on to the main course of this meal the DVD.  Upon first placing the CLERKS II disc into my DVD player I was sure I would have to fast forward through some advertisements, what I didn't expect was for a T.R.U.T.H add to overthrow my DVD player and force me to watch how many people die everyday from cigarettes around the world, except their simulation had all the people laying in the street.  I honestly don't know who these people are reaching out to that don't yet know smoking is bad, but I highly doubt that any one of these people that are as well buying the CLERKS II DVD honestly and whole heartedly could give less of a shit.  That could just be my opinion, but I would have to say from the KEVIN SMITH signing (notice that is singular, as in I only ever went to one) I attended, I am spot on.  So to T.R.U.T.H your Nazi propaganda would be better spent peddled on the types picking up AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH on DVD than those spending the fifteen bucks they just got recycling all years worth of "natty ice" cans at the recycle center. I am just looking out for you T.R.U.T.H, I like you, you're a good compa... err.. corpora...  uhh... commercial maker??? and I hate to see you waste your hard earne... uhhh... pai... errr...  accumulated???  advertising dollars get wasted on the likes of those who smoke and sing along with "YOU DON'T ALWAYS DIE FROM TOBACCO" song (it is catchy).

Moving on from my anti-smoking propaganda diatribe (and to the menu of the DVD), we get to actually choose to watch the movie.  BUT, first we have to choose if we want to watch with an introductory from SCOTT MOSIER and KEVIN SMITH or without, so we choose the prior.  I like this feature (and it's a good thing because there are not many special features on either disc where you do not first have to choose from said introductory selection) as I don't have to dig through the special features menu just to get it. No, I am just politely reminded right from the get go "Hey, want to hear the introduction" to which I reply "most indubitably" and there it is.  Of course if I didn't want such introduction I could just reply "fuck off" and no more need be said (that's right I don't just scroll through menus and press OK, I talk to my electronics because... uhm... it makes them last longer???). 

After the introduction from SCOTT MOSIER and KEVIN SMITH, the film begins without haste and we are once again thrown into the grips of the dramatic mastery of BRIAN O'HALLORAN and JEFF ANDERSON the clerks of the QUIK STOP and RST VIDEO establishments we have all come to know and love so dearly since we first were introduce in 1994.  I am not going to go in to more depth of the film because I already "done-did-that" here.  So let's get moving right along to some special features.

CLERKS II comes with two discs so there are plenty of special features to be queried through, most exciting of the bunch (other than the numerous cast and crew commentaries which are hilarious) are the deleted scenes and the bloopers.  The deleted scenes are great as they show parts of the film that may have been cut still none the less show Mr. SMITH has grown but still has what we all remember in him, of course I am mostly talking of the extended scene where RANDALL and DANTE drive back from the go kart track (complete with son/brother conversation).  The bloopers on the other hand are fun because we get to see the cast (notably ROSARIO DAWSON) acting goofy and just being themselves, which always makes one feel closer to a film.  Beyond that there is a 90 minute “making of” documentary as well as all the “Train Wrecks” video production diaries that were originally posted on the CLERKS II website leading up to the theatrical release of the film.

Your loyal film connoisseur M@ here with the inaugural loudside.com film review and I guess to start off introductions are due. I am the almighty, all-powerful M@ of the loudside.com family (actually I am just some dude that knows ERIC, but let's keep that between you and me). I rule over anything and all things entertainment at "THE SIDE” be it film, television or DVD, I am your man!  So to get this proverbial inaugural party started, I humbly bring you NICE TUCK JOB JAY!!!! LOUDSIDE @ CLERKS 2!

CLERKS 2
written and directed by: Kevin Smith
starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson

Upon entering my local theater this past weekend to get a seat for the new KEVIN SMITH sequel CLERKS 2, my first thought was "who's big idea was it over at The Weinstein Co. to open this film in theatres the same weekend as the largest comic book convention in the world". I thought this because a.) there was hardly anyone in the theater and b.) of the people in the theater my wife and I were the only white people. Let's get one thing straight, I am no racist, but what I am is an avid KEVIN SMITH fan.  I have been to every one of his films opening weekend besides his first "CLERKS" film (give me a break I was only 14 at the time), and this was the first time I had ever seen such few people in attendance for one of his films opening weekend, as well their were absolutely no greasy overweight comic book nerds geekily saying "snootchie bootchies" or "snoogans" and giggling in what I can only assume is Klingon.  So to make a long story short CLERKS 2 may not have had a "great"
opening weekend, but for all the bad planning I am shocked it was even in the top 10. So "congrats" to you KEVIN SMITH on getting in the top 10 box office opening weekend without the support of (most) your fanboy droves!

Moving on from my diatribe against The Weinstein Co.'s scheduling prowess, and after I got over the initial shock of an overly vacant theater, I took advantage of the situation and grabbed the dead center seats in the dead center row of the theater (prime location IMO), so all in all it worked out for the better (for me at least).  CLERKS 2 opens as anyone who has been following the teasers and trailers would have guessed, much as an homage to it's father film we see DANTE HICKS (BRIAN O'HOLLORAN) on his way to the infamous Quick Stop.  Yet upon his arrival to work and much to Dante's surprise when he opens the shutters to his (now over a decade) place of employment the entire inside is being ravished by fire.  After the fire department and police show (and RANDAL late as always) and subdue the Quick Stop fire the owner of both RST Video and the Quick Stop (the same one that suckered DANTE into working in the first film while he went to Vermont I presume) has decided to not be re-open either of his stores, leaving both DANTE and his compatriot RANDAL GRAVES (JEFF ANDERSON) unemployed. 

Next thing we know both DANTE and RANDAL have found employment at their local MOOBY'S restaurant (basically the McDonald's of this fictitious KEVIN SMITH world).  DANTE being his regular "do everything to please his boss" self and RANDAL in his "if you ignore the customers they won't come back" attitude. Of course we can't really blame DANTE for "brown nosing" his boss this time around as the role of the MOOBY'S manager BECKY is filled by the sexy as always ROSARIO DAWSON.  Also new to the "NEW JERSEY" mix is TREVOR FEHRMAN who plays the Jesus loving LORD OF THE RINGS fanatic ELIAS another employee of the MOOBY'S establishment.  Of course hi-jinks pursue our beloved convenient store clerks from more love triangles, to pregnancies, to beastialit.....uhm...I mean "trans-species erotica" and not to mention a skewering of "modern racism" that makes CRASH...uhhh....look like another movie that really has nothing to do with CLERKS 2, but I am getting off point. 

CLERKS 2 also makes sure to give us our fill of cameos, but it is in such a way that it doesn't seem like KEVIN SMITH is whoring his celebrity friends out to sell the film as they are in more of a fashion that these celebs just stopped by one day while they were shooting and said "hey, can I be in this part?" or something to the liking.  I guess what I am trying to say in too many words is that the few cameos feel organic this time around (yes JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKES BACK I am looking in your direction) which I thoroughly enjoyed.  CLERKS 2 doesn't disappoint on the JAY (JASON MEWES) and SILENT BOB (KEVIN SMITH) front either, as they return to "peddle their dope" outside of MOOBY'S complete with world renowned dance numbers from JAY and his hetro life mate SILENT BOB and a laugh out loud nod to the film SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

I am full aware CLERKS 2 has garnered some tough critic backlash, especially from the "how the hell did you get the pine cone that far up your ass" JOEL SIEGEL of GOOD MORNING AMERICA.  I for one would love to ask these people if they saw the first film and if they did what the f*** were they expecting from the sequel???  Did they go into this film thinking it was GOOD WILL HUNTING????  They must of, because any fan of CLERKS will thoroughly enjoy CLERKS 2, all the elements are there including new ones that make the film fresh but still familiar.  Yes, unlike the original this one is in color.  Yes, BEN AFFLECK shows up in this KEVIN SMITH film too, and YES you should go see this film.  As long as you have a sense of humor there is absolutely nothing in this film that will let you down, and if it doesn't reach it's "bound to become" cult status on the big screen just wait till it is out on DVD and all the little kiddies who couldn't sneak into the theatres get their hands on this film and you are going to be seeing some "PORCH MONKEY 4 LIFE" shirts real quick like....oh yeah....I didn't tell you...we're taking it back!!!!!!

M@'s REMARK:
Get yo' ass in them theater seats!!!!